Portrait By Kiva Bay

Dax Murray

Book reviews, coding thoughts, feminist rants, and occasional cats.

On "Ladies Night," feminism, and benevolent sexism


Or, “Why Ladies Night isn’t ‘Female Privilege'”

Well, Mr. MRA, I hope I have a sound answer for you.If you hang around in the MRA section of reddit long enough, you will eventually see a man complaining about all us feminists that expect men to pay all the time. Later, this same MRA will claim feminists are emasculating him by not letting him pay. Later still, he will complain about “ladies nights” at bars, and why do women get free drinks all the time and men don’t?

Once upon a time (most) women were not allowed to have paying jobs in the United States. Women were not allowed to own property, or possess money. If a woman wanted to go out to dinner with a man, he had to pay. This was seen as benevolent sexism. Yes, women were oppressed, but it was kindly, it was done because men loved us so much they wanted to protect us from the evil world of money, politics, work, as it would damage our precious souls and we would be less pure in our childbearing and rearing. We were the angels in the domicile.

Eventually, we were allowed to have jobs, but our paychecks had to be signed over to our fathers, husbands, or other male guardian. So, we still had to rely on men to take us out to dinner.

Eventually, this became a cultural standard, at first based on necessity, and later, seen as a sign of a true gentlemen. Women still make a fraction of what men make, all for doing the same work, and doing it at the same level of competency. It was seen as chivalry, but many many feminists said “No, we can pay for our own dinners!” and so “dutch dates” were born. These dates are commonly regarded as “not real dates” by many cultural commentators, seen as less than, with men being told their masculinity is in question, and women being told they are too forward or too radical. (Yet, at the same time, women who let men pay for the dates are often called “golddiggers” or are told we are just with him “for his money” – no, we can never win.)

So, this leads to the question of how can we have dates were men can keep their masculinity in tack – by having enough money to pay the bill – and have women not seem too forward or too stingy? Ladies Nights.

These nights are not to benefit women, they exist to help men get women drunk enough to score without breaking the bank. These nights ensure that a bunch of ladies show up in order for men to have a greater pick then they normally would. And they ensure that none of these men have to actually pay for the alcohol that he would ideally like the woman to imbibe in great amounts.

Ladies Nights exist to facilitate date rape. Yes, women get drinks for free, meaning that men get to have women be extremely drunk without having to say “Let me get you a drink.”